**The moment that I saw Francisco at the airport, hiding behind the first row of people. One of my friends told me that seeing him for the first time after such a long time apart would be awkward. But it totally wasn’t. I felt flustered, after just getting off the plane and switching my thoughts to portuguese, but it certainly wasn’t awkward. It was a little unreal, though.

**Christmas Eve: Francisco’s family had a big party where I met most of the family members. I love the family, and Francisco helped me minimize the awkward interactions when they arose. The food was delicious and made mostly by his mother.

**Within the first week I was there Francisco and I went to the center of the city to walk along Beira Mar, the famous beachfront promenade. It was a pleasant walk and we covered a lot of ground in not very much time. We saw fishing boats anchored on shore, groups of people hanging out on the beach, a series of little places to snack and get some coconut water or beer, a few statues, and a LOT of sky scrapers. The skyline could be from any number of coastal cities, since the land is so flat, and there aren’t that many distinctive buildings. That aside, it was really nice to be a tourist with Francisco, and hear him pointing out the other foreign tourists that passed us.

**Francisco’s brother came to visit for a few days and all three of us drove into the mountains to visit their grandmother and the family of one of his aunts. They live in a small town called Baturité. While we were there we went to see the Jesuit Monastery that sits on a a hill a little outside of the city. It was really adorable to see the interaction between Kiko and his younger cousins. Really affectionate. I remember sitting on little stools outside on the sidewalk (a common place to hang out at night) and listening to Kiko read a book to one of his youngest cousins. Super cute. Shortly afterward, he convinced the whole bunch to come out and get a pastel at the town square. These women (his grandmother and aunt) don’t go out very often, and even going the three blocks was a big deal and deserved a fresh dress and combing of the hair. It was also really nice to get away from the stiflingly hot air of the city.

**New Years: We spent a little over a week at a beach house and that’s were we celebrated New Years. Lot’s of food, music, dancing, and socializing. I thoroughly enjoyed myself, once I got over my personal issues that followed me to Brazil (i.e. Fulbright and future paranoia). Francisco helped a lot with that and made me realize how much they were suffocating me. There was also a nice moment after midnight when we stood in a circle and everyone got a chance to say something about the new year. I wish I had said something in english, seeing as I was not very eloquent in portuguese in front of the large group.

**The beach house was situated a few blocks from a beautiful beach with white-sand and a great view. There was also a series of sand dunes not too far away. One night we walked up them to watch the sunset and play in the river that cuts around them. On the way there, Jako (their supersweet dog) ran away, chasing off after some female dog. Kiko had to run quite a way to catch up and get him. This was also after he’d already bit through his leash a few days before. At the top of the dunes there was a beautiful view of the distant mountains.

**A few days later, Kiko’s sister came to visit. We got along really well and the three of us met up with her friends a few times, for dinner and to go to the beach. We went to Praia do Futuro, which was packed with people, mostly just hanging out in the shallow water, or drinking beer under shade of umbrellas. The sun is really strong, if I hadn’t already mentioned it, so it was nice to just sit at the table and venture out once in a while. The waves were also really strong, and I didn’t have courage to go out too far. The ocean and I don’t get along too well. She is a fickle mistress. Kiko, on the other hand, went way out and rode the waves. He told me, though, that a guy next to him couldn’t handle it and needed to be rescued by one of the lifeguards. Scary.

** The biggest city adventure day was when Kiko and I went to the Centro. We got off the bus at Beco da Poeira and spent the entire day walking from one point to the next and eventually ended up at the Ponte Metalica to have dinner. Beco da Poeira is a huge market that just sells clothes. It’s compact and disorienting, but you are bound to find something that you like. In fact, I found my white Ivy Day dress there. Next, we walked across the plaza to the Theatro José de Alencar which we explored and found a very strange-looking cat. From there, we walked a few blocks to the Catedral, with popsicles in hand. The Mercado Central is right next door, so we did a thorough walk through and bought some presents for my family. A few more blocks and we hit Dragão do Mar which is the cultural center of the city. There wasn’t very much open, but it was fun to see. It was getting dark at this point, so we made our way to the Ponte Metalica and grabbed some pizza before taking the bus back home. It was, needlessly to say, a long day.

**With only a few days left before I needed to head back to the States, we decided to fit as much as we could in just a few days. So, we finally made it out the Museum of Cachaça which is a little outside of the city. It is not just a museum, mind you. It is a fazenda made for tourists. There was tandem biking, kayaking, ziplines, food, drinking, and many more activites that I don’t even know how to explain. It was like a big playground for adults. And the history of this particular kind of cachaça was really interesting too. We caught a bus back in the afternoon.

**The very next day, we went on a three beach tour package with another couple that was visiting. We got on the bus at 7 in the morning and didn’t get home until around 8 at night. It was an intense day of sun, beach, and sand. At one point we took a dune buggy tour so we could see a few of the natural sites of the area: caves, dunes, and cliffs. So much fun! Unfortunately, there was also the tone of sadness because we both knew that this was going to be the last fun excursion of my trip. We made the best of it and crashed and relaxed until my plan left two days later.

**And thus ends a great trip. I wish I could’ve stayed longer, but a month was pushing it anyway. It’s hard to be so far away from him, but it’s obvious to me that this will last a very long time. A certainly hope it does. He’s wonderful. xoxoxox

It’s been a week since I came back to the States after spending my vacation with Francisco and his family. It was an intense 3+weeks as I was basically glued to him, but somehow I didn’t miss my alone time as much as I thought I would. It took a bit to get used to the number of people that filter through the house as any given moment, but by the end it felt strange to be alone. It’s certainly a contrast to my life in Boulder, or even my life at Smith. I spent a week at home before coming back to Smith as a last minute decision. And I spent most of it feeling sicky and sad. I missed the noise, the heat, the passion, the food, the music, the people, and most of all I missed Kiko. I felt paralyzed, looking out at the gray snowy day, alone in a silent house. What a contrast. I didn’t even feel motivated to write in my journal or read (which I had had very little time to do while in Fortaleza).

But classes started yesterday for the last semester of my undergraduate career. I’m excited about most of them, even though some are not quite what I expected. The dance class, for instance, is not so much a dance class as it is a study on the cultural constructions around latin dances and how the dances affected societal norms. Should be fascinating, but I’ll be putting pressure on the instructor to let us dance more often than the allotted three classes. The other courses are Drawing, Architecture Studio, a Landscape Seminar, and hopefully a Physics class. Graduation is right around the corner.

In other news, I moved into a new dorm room that gives me four windows with 180degree views. It’s bigger with much more light. I’m pretty excited to get another chance to organize my life. There is nothing worse than coming back to a stale mess. This should give my last semester a little more life than it had before. Plus, if anyone wants to come visit me there is a lot more floor space (for dance parties or whatnot).

I know I haven’t described how my trip went, but there is just so much to tell, that it’s a bit daunting. Perhaps I’ll get around to it soon. Or maybe Kiko will hack onto my account and write it all out for me…. wishful thinking.

Until next time~

I guess I’d forgotten what it’s like when Americans get stressed out: grumpy, condescending, selfish and completely unconscious about how they are seen by others. We’ve officially entered into the dreaded finals period here at Smith. It will always leave you crazy and a bit wounded, no matter how hard you try to avoid it.

So, I’m in a fight. With many things. Professors, friends, the weather, time…. you name it. I just hope that I can walk away from the fight in one piece. It’ll be a rough couple of rounds, but I might be able to salvage my sanity from the wreckage.

It’s also amazing to see how inflexible everything is. I think we reflect our bodily instincts; when we get stressed and flooded with things to do, we flex and tense our muscles which limits our moment, fluidity and circulation. Sometimes I think the whole system will just implode. There must be a release at some point. I just hope it comes before May. I don’t know if I can handle this forever. That’s why they call it school I guess.

Anyway, if I play my cards right I will end up on top, and that’s the only important thing. Too bad I was never good with cards…. I got some really good advice the other day that was basically to just do one thing at a time and with calm or else risk losing yourself and not getting everything done. I just need that one person to keep reminding me that I can’t do everything at the same time. Sometimes it feels like I’m taking three tests and writing four papers all at once in my head, when I’m really just eating breakfast. I even have dreams about homework, and wake up already stressed and in a bad mood.

The count-down has begun: two weeks. Think I can do it? I’ve done successfully (for the most part) for the last few years, so my track record is already pretty good. Just keep the good vibes coming!

Also, the season’s first snow fell this weekend. I’d forgotten what it was like. I missed it. It was a beautiful site this morning from my window, with the sun glinting off the snow. I hope for more. Sun and Snow. Colorado weather.

The holiday season is upon us. We have Thanksgiving this week and then it’s just a matter of weeks before Christmas and New Years. Crazy how fast the semester has gone by. I’ve been busy with school, not getting hired, and there always seems to be something with my friends. Plus, the time flies when I get to see Sr. Francisco almost every day on Skype.

Right now I’m packing to spend the next week with Nicole and her family down in Connecticut. It should be a relaxing week, but I need to get some school work done so it won’t just be all sleep, movies and food (unfortunately). And, as per most of the time, I am over packing. The thing is that I usually overpack, but stuff it all together so compactly that not many people notice (ex. everything I brought to Brazil…). That’s usually why I insist on carrying my own bag, by the way, so you don’t find out how heavy (and thus compactly stuffed) it is. Plus, I like to show off my pack-mule skills. “I am strong like BULL.”

But it’s almost 5:00pm and totally dark outside, so I’m sitting with my light-therapy lamp on all the way up. That, coupled with my loud and fun music usually keeps the demons at bay. It’s been working so far.

In exactly one month I will be in Brazil, reunited with my Boo. It’s pretty exciting to think about, actually. And a bit nerve-racking because I don’t have my visa in hand yet. We’re working on it, though. I’m super excited to spend the holidays with Francisco, and meet his family, but I’m kinda sad that I’ve now missed a Colorado Christmas two years in a row. There’s always something magical about that season, with sunny but cold days. Plus, my parent’s house is always so warm (except for the basement) and happy to be in. They designed it well. And I’m starting to miss my own bed… but that’s another story.

Over a month ago I decided to apply for the Fulbright. The official deadline isn’t until next fall, but there is a Smith program that helps you get everything in order which really help your chances of getting it. Smith has something like an 80% acceptance rate, which is a LOT higher than the national average. So, I started. And it’s already a pain in my ass. I have to jump through a couple thousand hoops, and then do it backwards. But if it means I get to do a project that I’m really interested in, in a place that I really want to be, then I guess it’s worth the suffering until then. Unfortunately, I think the adviser is a little bit of a jackass. But he’s apparently amazing at his job.

In other news, the Smith Orchestra had their Fall concert last weekend. It went really well. Beethoven is always fun to play. Well, that’s all I have for right now.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!!

It’s been about three weeks since I’ve been back on campus to finish up my last year of school. I’m getting used to living in the dorms again, but this time I have a single so I don’t have to hide all my messy habits of not picking up after myself. Not sure if this is a good thing or not, but I’m certainly comfortable.

Classes are going fine so far. I’m taking four courses, which include a yoga class and a special studies. It’s pretty low-stress so far. And I plan on keeping it that way. If there’s one thing I learned in Brazil, it’s that there is no reason to worry and stress about these kind of things. Everything works itself out in the end. That said, I do study a lot more than I did down there. Smith doesn’t let you off easily.

While I was walking back from the music building in the late afternoon, I decided to soak up the sun (before the cold and dark winter sets in). So I sat down in the grass and called everyone that I know here, so I could have some company. Unfortunately, I know very few people here, since all the upperclassmen have graduated and I don’t know/haven’t met the underclassmen yet. I ended up soaking up the sun alone.

Yesterday, the girls and I decided to go to a corn maze. I haven’t done this since I was young, but I think I had more fun yesterday than I ever had as a child. It was just the four of us: Melissa, Nicole, Emily and I, and a corn maze in the design of Darwin’s face. It was a beautiful and sunny day, to boot. Afterward, we drove up to Sugarloaf “Mountain” and got a great view of the valley. Here are a few highlights:

the girls

the maze

the food

the valley

One week left in Boulder, and then I’m back to Massachusetts and the Smith bubble. Even with the reverse culture shock and adjustment period, it has been amazing to spend the summer in my hometown, with family and old family. But, honestly, I haven’t done very much while here. I’ve gone down to Denver many times, and went up to Fort Collins once, but I haven’t spent any time in my beautiful mountains and even within Boulder I haven’t done a lot of things that I wanted to do. This is in part because my internship job took up most of my time during the week, and then all I wanted to do was sleep and see friends during the weekend. So with my last week here, I want to cross off a few things from my list.

As some people may know, I get a bit anxious when traveling, and I got my first dose of it last night. I had some stressful dreams about packing and finishing up my business here, and woke up with a sore neck and my heart racing. Not good. To calm my fears, I made a list of things not to forget. After thinking about it more, I don’t think I’ll be able to take my guitar with me to Smith. With my luggage and my cello I don’t think I’ll be allowed any more on the plane. As much as I wanted to learn how to play it, I don’t know if I’ll even really have time to play much at Smith. That school has a way of killing all your dreams…

Speaking of school, I’m moderately excited for my last year there. I have no idea what my class schedule will look like, since it was very hard to register while abroad. But I’ll do my best not be stressed with the work load. I’d like to have some time to figure out my life… ya know, life after college. We’ll see how that goes.

In other news, Francisco is lighting up my life, as much as he can while still being in a different hemisphere. I spent my summer earnings to buy a ticket down to see him over Christmas and January. I’m counting the days until I get to see him. Long distance relationships are hard, but we’re both invested in making it work. Plus he’s an excellent Portuguese professor.

WHOOT!! Finally 21 years old! ….now I won’t be as discriminated in social scenes. Damn our society where we judge maturity by a single number. I was responsible enough to drink legally years ago. And yet some kids turning 21 these days are just that: kids. I’d also like to blame conservative parenting for that. I think in general the parents in this society don’t know how to raise their kids without taboos (so everything is on the table and experimented safely).

Also, thanks Mom and Dad for taking a really relaxed parenting approach and always being supportive and nonjudgmental. It has made me the person I am today, and that is priceless. Also, thanks to my older brothers who wore down my parents so I could have it easier. You guys are the best.

So, this ends my year abroad in Brazil. I’m official back in the states and (for the most part) readjusted. I’m still saying “obrigada” and “sim” and when I’m upset I shouldn’t be help accountable for what mix of languages spurt out. But I’m home. Sleeping in my own bed. Walking around my house half-clothed (although I can’t do that right now since there are house painters wandering about). And as fabulous as it is to see friends and family, and to be working a job that I find fascinating, I still spend almost every other minute thinking about Brazil. or Brazilians. or Brazilian food. or any number of my wild adventures in Brazil. It was almost like a dream. But SO much better. And I hope not to forget this year like I forget so many of my dreams.

There were certainly good and bad moments. But together they made the experience what it was and molded me to who I am today. hmm, that sounds so cheesy. But I can tell you that I’ve been getting a bunch of comments. Brazil DID change me, whether or not people can actually pin point how. And I am all the better for it. I couldn’t have asked for a better year. And now I have the pleasure of trying to hold two equally influential but completely different worlds in my heart and mind. And only a select few can cross the line between the two with me. I hope to one day bring my loved ones to the other side, but it’s a hard line to cross for many reasons. In the meantime, I’m already thinking and plotting my return. I almost feel incomplete in my old life. And I certainly feel over privileged and spoiled here. But this also means that I can consciously change the world around me to be more global and less like a bubble.

In fact, I’ve already started, with this internship that I’m doing right now. I’m working with the City of Boulder (yes, the Boulder Bubble) to incorporate new programs, new ideas and new life into the Comprehensive Plan (and Climate Action Plan) that reflects the global world. I’m super excited, and can’t think of anyone else that would actually enjoy this job. More for me, haha.

So that’s where I’m at; pining for Brazil and Francisco, while getting used to the diversity and myriad of opportunities that the US has to offer. The photo is of my first sight of Colorado in a year:

The wedding was fun, even though I didn’t know very many people. I actually talked for a while with this woman in the picture with me, Chile. I’d already met her a few months ago, and hit it off right away. We talked politics, cultural differences, education, corruption etc. It’s always great to find those that are willing to actually engage you in serious conversation. I hope to stay in contact with her at some level. Very interesting woman.

And on sunday I went to church with Lucia. I figured I should go at least once with her, so why not make it the last sunday I’m here. It is a really old and beautiful church. And since she plays music there, we got vip seats and a special tour (up in the balconies). Wish I brought my camera with me…

It doesn’t look like I’ll be playing in that wedding any more. It’s just too last minute, and I won’t be able to practice before hand. I’m still going, though, and am excited to see what a brazilian wedding looks like. Speaking of weddings, I’m almost 90% sure that Maria’s brazilian boyfriend is going to propose to her before she leaves. He’s been hinting. It’s so cute!

I made a cake yesterday as a Valentine’s Day present for Francisco. And I’ll be giving it to him tonight. Hope he likes it… I think it’s the first cake I’ve ever made, since I usually chose cookies or pie over cake. I’m pretty proud of it. Maybe I’ll post pictures of it later.